Since that time, I have been pretty open about my experiences and as a result have talked with many folks about their similar struggles with anxiety, depression, and other issues whether related to the birth of a child or not. And guess what. LOTS of us struggle with this. And I mean lots. For awhile, I was having conversations almost daily with new people about their struggles, and a common theme emerged. We all think we are the only ones struggling with this. YOU AREN'T ALONE. Of course, most shared their struggle with me in confidence so I would never share it with others, but there were so many people I knew, that knew each other, that were sharing with me how alone they felt. And the whole time I kept thinking..."This other person you know and love is struggling with this too! I wish you would talk to each other about it!!"
So. Let's talk about it. You're anxious. You're depressed. You're having panic attacks. You can't sleep. You don't want to get up in the morning. You have lost your love for your life. What should you do? How do we treat this debilitating condition? I can't speak about your specific situation, but I can tell you what helped me. While ultimately my healing came from God, there are a bunch of practical things you can do right now, today, to help. So here we go.
1) Consider medication. If you have been feeling severely anxious, having panic attacks, feeling depressed, are unable to get out of bed, have lost hope for the future, or in any way have considered taking your own life, please go see a doctor immediately. A prescription for antidepressants was the thing that helped me most to recover. I was terrified to take them (it's ironic that you have to decide to overcome the anxiety of taking them to help with your anxiety), but I had no major side effects and they helped me tremendously. And guess what? My fears of being completely numbed of all emotion and having to take them for the rest of my life didn't come true. I am fully off medication now and am perfectly fine.
2) Take care of yourself. This one is particularly hard for those with PPD, because having a newborn in your life means that by default you don't get to care for yourself the way you want to. But you NEED to prioritize yourself in order to care well for your baby. A depressed and anxious mom does a baby no good. And, if you don't have a newborn in your life, you still need to care for yourself well in order to care for anyone else in your life, like friends, spouses, children, parents, etc. It is not selfish to ensure you get the care you need. I found this image, and I literally printed it out and put it on my refrigerator. When I was having a bad day, I went, one by one, down the list and did what it said. I felt silly doing it--I felt like I was a child or something. But. It is amazing the difference a glass of water, a snack, a shower, and a phone call to a friend can make. Usually by the time I got down to number 10, I felt so much better.
3) Sing. This one might sound silly to you and it might not work for you, but it was a huge help to me. I love music, and I love song lyrics. It is amazing how easily they get stuck in your head. So use that!! Pick a couple songs with very encouraging words. For me, these were worship songs that spoke truths that I needed to hear. They need to be songs you know well enough that you can sing them in your head at any moment. And then whenever I had a panic attack, I forced my brain to sing those words over and over again. If I was alone, I sang them out loud, but if I was in a group or in public, I just went over and over them in my head, and forced myself to dwell on them. Music is powerful and it can help you. Did you know that when Jesus was on the cross and experiencing immense suffering, he quoted lyrics to a song from his childhood? Even the perfect man used songs to get through difficulties and suffering.
4) Write. Another thing that helped me was writing out scripture. There were a few Psalms in particular that helped me—when I would write, it forced my brain to calm down and focus on what I was writing—both what it said and just the physical act of doing it. Here are just a couple of my "go to" Psalms:
- Psalm 23: I like coming back to this one because it is so familiar that I can quote it from memory. I use this one often in the middle of the night to combat any anxious thoughts when I don't have the energy or ability to actually get out my Bible, or write anything down.
- Psalm 6: This one was helpful on days where I just needed to vent to God about how awful I felt. It is so encouraging that the Bible includes desperate language--God WANTS to hear your desperate and/or angry prayers. I used this as a jumping off point for prayer, and added all my specific personal prayers to it.
- Psalm 22: This was the one I went back to the most. Verses 1 and 2 of this one are the song lyrics I talked about that Jesus quoted from the cross, so that was comforting to me. God knows how it feels to feel abandoned and desperate...so much so that he prayed this prayer! Verse 22 was an encouragement to me--David says that after God delivers and helps him, he will proclaim how good God is to everyone he meets. And I have tried to do that as much as possible since God gave me relief. He is there with you, and he will continue to be there with you as long as this trial continues. He doesn't promise that it will end quickly, but he does promise that you won't be going through this alone, and I am proof of that. God was with me in my darkest hours, and he is with you too!
- Psalm 27: This one is helpful to remind yourself of what is true.
5) Talk. Don't go through this alone. You are not the only one who has suffered, and others in your life WANT to help you. You need someone you can call at any time of day--ideally a spouse or a friend that lives with you or is in very close proximity. I would wake Matt up in the middle of the night or text him during work when I was panicking and he would drop everything and help me. He told me things I knew were true but were veiled from me by my fear (you are strong, no one is judging you, you are not alone, there is no reason to panic, etc. etc). I cannot say enough how thankful I am for Matt and his support. So picking someone who can be that for you and can be “on call” day and night would really help. Now, when I occasionally still get anxious (usually in the middle of the night) I don’t even have to wake him because I can already hear his voice in my head. It’s beautiful. Beyond just a friend to talk to, consider a professional. Consider counseling. It is not going to hurt to bring in an objective third party to help you sort through your emotions and figure out a game plan for your specific situation. Just do it. Don't be too proud to reach out for some help.
Lastly, but importantly, remember that this is temporary. You will not always feel like this. Life is GOING to change. That can be hard to believe, but it is true and I am living proof of that. You can change and things can get better. This is a disease, and it is not who you are. You are not "a depressed person," you are a person suffering from depression. That is a subtle but very important difference. You are not defined by this suffering. You may have a quick and complete recovery, or you may struggle with this for quite a while, but you are not helpless or defenseless and there are lots of steps you can take to feel better.
Please. If you don't have anyone else to talk to, write me, call me, text me, knock on my door, or send me a smoke signal if you need help. I know how you feel. I have been there. I know what it is to wake up dreading the day and wishing for it to be over, but then the moment the sun starts setting, to dread the long night ahead. When I was suffering, a friend of a friend that I had never met who lived in another state said they would fly to me to help me if I didn't have any one else. I thought that was a crazy offer at the time, but now I understand. Having gone through this, I would do anything to help someone else not suffer the way that I did, or to try to ease that suffering as much as possible. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Love,
Kathleen
Kathleen
